I got this a few minute ago from my friend norm and thought it worth posting in the Lighten Up series!
From: FARM FOX
Subj: SOUTHERN GRANDMOTHER
DO YOU KNOW THIS LADY?SOUTHERN GRANDMOTHER ON THE WITNESS STAND
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.Sanders,do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Desmond. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit, paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked,”Mrs. Sanders, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied,”Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr.Cristofaro, since he was youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”